Seeing Real

Learning to balance – Heart Mind Body

15 Feb 2012

As I have begun to pay more attention to myself, I have bumped into my ego. I never really get a chance to see it in full light. I get fleeting glances, usually in the shadows. I can see the evidence of its influence. I regret what I see, wish I had made different choices. Often, never sure quite why I did what I did, or why I said what I said. This is not a new concept. We all are aware of this confusion over our thoughts, feelings, and actions. When the Enneagram crossed my path, it gave me  [ Read More ]

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13 Feb 2012

Change is coming. I’m being patient and persistent. It is slowly moving forward. Each step forward gives me a new taste of freedom. Those tasted are beginning to add up and equal a snack. A prolonged period of being presence, even if it’s just some consecutive moments. My freedom taste buds have begun to wake up. They like it and they want more. What I found I really quick when I tasted a little freedom, my ego did not approve of what was going on. My ego likes to be in charge. It thinks it’s indispensable, and done a pretty  [ Read More ]

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19 May 2011

Something is missing.  Something is out of place.  Something is not quite right.  I’m not sure what it is but it is always there in the background.  It is a sense of loss, or regret.  It is a longing that never really comes into focus.  Jackson Browne refers to it, “like a song playing right in my ear that I can’t sing.”  It’s an uneasiness with just being okay.  It’s never being comfortable with here.  Always being on the way to somewhere else. I think this sense of loss or discomfort, starts from before we can remember.  We get caught  [ Read More ]

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17 May 2011

Time flies by way too fast.  It seemed like when I was younger, time couldn’t move fast enough.  Life was moving forward and I was anxious to be somewhere other than where I was.  Now it seems like life has a downhill momentum.  It is moving faster than I would like.   I have both feet on the brakes and it still doesn’t seem to slow down. But just being aware of the speed seems to help.  I have begun to realize that not being satisfied with right now is the main culprit.  If I can wake up my consciousness,  [ Read More ]

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1 May 2011

It is easy to feel beat down.  We have enough history to tell us that things won’t change.  Things have been this way for as long as they have, experience tells us that probably will continue.  Patterns can overwhelm attempts at change.  The ego will not go down easily.  It thinks its done it job, and done it very well – thank you.  So history tells us change is hard, almost impossible.   But not changing has its own cost.  We lose hope.  We get tired and stay tired.  We get mired in years of pattern, wanting and hoping things could  [ Read More ]

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18 Apr 2011

Effortlessly accomplished!  When I read those words, my mind screeched to a halt.  I was shocked, surprised, confused, and strangely calmed, all at the same time.  I was reading about my type (7) in one of my Enneagram books.  I was in a section that was going through nine steps of spiritual growth.  The last step was reminding each type who they were at their core.  Effortlessly accomplished – that was my reminder.  It stopped me in my tracks.  It was a surreal moment.  It felt like I had found something I had been searching for my whole life –  [ Read More ]

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16 Apr 2011

A while back, I ordered a new HD TV online and it had to be shipped to me.  I usually don’t like to order things online because I am not very patient.  I want it and I want it NOW!  As you would expect, given these circumstances (Murphy’s law never rests), the TV was lost in shipment.  So of course I was frustrated that I would not be able to enjoy my new TV as soon as I was hoping.  I got on the phone and communicated my frustration with the customer service rep.  She did not respond to my  [ Read More ]

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15 Apr 2011

T.S. Eliot once said “most of our live are a constant evasion of reality.”  I think for the most part I have found this to be true in my life.  And I think most people would agree with me if they could pause the evasion long enough to notice.  Life has a way of knocking us off kilter.  It started early and never lets up.  The demands of kindergarden began a race of moving forward to the next challenge.  Soon it was the demands of high school and on to college.  Take a quick breath and then find a job.  [ Read More ]

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28 Mar 2011

I have mostly looked at my shadow and shadows in general as, not only dark, but also so evil and sinister.   I’ve learned through stories, comics, movies, sermons, and my surroundings, that nothing good lies in the shadows and bad things hide there.  One of the freeing concepts I have learned from the Enneagram  is to try to view myself and my surrounding through a neutral lens, setting aside my ideas about judging myself and my behavior as bad or sinful.  It has helped me look at my shadow and see what is there without triggering my emotions of  [ Read More ]

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24 Mar 2011

This seems so obvious, it is hard to write about it.  I know this fact.  I am one person with one body.  I cannot physically occupy more than one space at a time.  If I want to go or be somewhere else, I have to move – walk, run, drive, or fly there.  Not all of me understands this.  I constantly try to disprove this rule.  Usually my mind is the culprit.  Because I have a habit of not being happy, if I find myself in an uncomfortable situation, my mind kicks into action.  Scanning the landscape for some place  [ Read More ]

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