Seeing Real

Learning to balance – Heart Mind Body

Posted by Mike | April - 30 - 2012 | Comments Off on Hiding Secrets

Have you ever tried to hide something from yourself? It usually doesn’t work. The hope is that we would forget where we hid it, whether it’s a candy bar or some money we don’t want to spend. The degree of likelihood that this technique would work, gets higher as we get older and memory becomes less sharp. In spite of not having much success with this technique, I realized that I was still using it. I had developed a pattern of hiding parts of myself from others and in turn hiding from myself. As I began to look more closely at this relationship with shame, I began to see the habit of hiding. I had developed a pattern, over time, where I had been hiding things that I had done that I wasn’t proud of. If I kept those things under wraps, maybe no one would find out. Turns out it actually works, in a dysfunctional way. I was able to control part of what I presented to others, but the cost of that was, in turn, moving it further out of my view at the same time. Out of sight – out of mind, but not out of my way. It was blocking my view, and my ability to change. Shame, secrets, hiding, are the enemies of honesty, clarity, and openness.

Several years ago I started on a path of trying to get to a clearer, more accurate view of myself. I wasn’t satisfied with the quality of my life. I wanted to change. Fortunately, I had no idea what I was in for. Good, long-lasting, healthy change and hiding can’t coexist. Seeing myself more clearly began a process of uncovering some of the secrets of my story. Better lighting and openness are elements that are needed for a clearer view. In this clearer view, secrets shed their identity and become simple facts. True things that have happened in my story, that I regret. Seeing those things in their true light doesn’t take away the consequences or pain. But what it did do is release me from the power the secret had to become a part of my identity. If the shame is a part of who I actually am, it can’t be changed. If the shame is something I did that I would do differently if I could – now, it becomes changeable. I now can choose to do things in a different way. The illusion is seen for what it is – bad technique.

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